Listen to this and tell me what you THINK? Please.

[MurkinDem]

Please help me out, im a beginner started 1 month ago and i love rap and i want to improve no matter what it takes, so please help me imrpove tell me what you think crap or good i dont mind since i want to improve anyways. Number one i freestyled to a instrumental.

1.) Lifes torn apart, killing is become an art, they dont stop, they keep beating like a heart, but im too smart, ima kill them, im like a poisonius snake, ill murder you and leave ur body in the lake, my flow is iced and layerd like a cake, so please give me a break, i think i just killed this,bullets drop like flake, i just made a new RE-MAKE.

2.) im the most deadly mc, got blood drippin flow, Im diagnosed with a disease, im about to show, eat you up, chew you up, make you another version of fat joe, gota free myself, 1second away from the free throw, my rhymes are like saw4, welcome to my game show, icy snow, icy flow, twist you up, spin you like a magical piece of u.f.o, when u see me going by, H sizzle me hello, minds twisted, i keep thinking about life, i cant let go, im in control, of this game, rap made me do it, and thats when i became, the nice tasting name, tastes good in your mouth, maybe coz im sweet, or is it that coldframe, that my gran gave me, walkin down without no fear, and thats how i got my FAMILIY NAME.

I might sound like a wannabe sick ass rapper, but i cant find a subject to rap about and i have short word rhymes for example fear,near,cheer. you know what i mean, when i need big word rhymes i go to rhymezone and work on that and try remember the rhyme so next time im freestyling i know that rhyme and itll come of my head, ya DIGG?.

Thanks for your support, appreciate it.

[KempoMRK]

All you need to do is keep writing. When everyone starts rapping they write similar to you. It's really hard to rhyme longer words when you're just starting out, so keep on writing and soon it will become a lot easier. Also, you should try to structure your verses like this:

Write your verses like this, here's the rhyme
They look much better when it's the time

It's just easier to read if they're spaced out like that, instead of being bunched together.

[MurkinDem]

Thank you very much Kempo, i will keep practicing until i become good enough. Thanks for the spacing tip too.

[KempoMRK]

No problem man, glad I could help.

[Paxacroma]

I havent read this and I havent seen it either. Could anyone tell me about this book? Did you like it? Would you include it in a 9th graders list of books for the year?


Thanks so much

Sorry....I meant Revolution

[filisili50]

It is hard to write longer words but if you try to writing more details regarding any details. It will become a lot easier. Above post is useful for writing style, It also includes very good structure.