My ryhmes, what you think? - B-Boys.com - Hip-Hop Rap Forums

DoPeT · 03-03-2009, 12:17 PM

Alright guys, first time actually trying out a ryhme. After so many years of listening to this lovely genre, finally got me some inspiration to start writing some ryhmes. Thanks to this site too, noticed not that much people get flamed for posting there rhymes, which is why I'm posting this now.

I've noticed, I'm using the same words a lot, need more vocab.

My oral song like the moral khameleon
when planet meets bomb the bomb meets Saddam
we will all be gone, like a f**king Methodist
we will break your f**king neck with this
straight up from the death of kiss of the
36 chambers you be messing with
Ghandi be gone with the old times
that has gone wrong at a fucking marathon
that people be sneaking and peeking, assassinating ya deepest
thinkings from Allahs path to calculating Sohads math
In JFK’s similar trap busting your f**king mind with potent anthrax

to the four fifths of love and sacrifice
To flooding the building with eighths of dynamite
ya niggas scared of heights, yall just cant fight the might
with the heavenly armed, throwin' up seventy charms
while thinking alarmed about the readings of each of the 1960 beatings
with your bloodshed heeding of the help of Armageddon
you be needing hypodermic seedlings at the f**king garden of eden

Urban Eskimo · 03-03-2009, 03:39 PM

This wasn't bad at all for a first time rhymer. You've got some pretty good vocab, and seem like a fairly smart cat judgin from the content...but you're needin to work on structuring your material into somethin fluent. Try bein less random with your rhymes, and base your verse around a topic if this is the style you're lookin to be writing.

Welcome to the spot yo.

KOS

DoPeT · 03-04-2009, 11:41 AM

Thanks bro, I get what your saying. I was writing for a bit before I went to work. Haha, I think some multis in there would make it seem a bit more 'stronger'.

Urban Eskimo · 03-04-2009, 03:49 PM

You'll find your style man, and from there you'll work to perfect it.

If you got any other written ish you're lookin to get feedback on drop it in the Freestyle Sessions section, it'll get more looks over there.

KOS

DoPeT · 03-05-2009, 12:03 PM

Aighhhht! Sick man, thanks.
I'll be def postin' alot of shit I'm writing everyday.

Speaking of biggie, I'm rollin' a notorious blunt now!

strange_danger · 12-21-2010, 09:49 AM

just keep at it

Runaway Angel · 12-21-2010, 12:24 PM

I like it-it was hard u might be a good battler. i look forward to more drops from ya.

Syks · 01-04-2011, 12:57 AM

I thought this was good especially for a first effort,good shit bro.
Peace

03-03-2009, 12:17 PM	#1
DoPeT r00t boss of botnetz Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Bay Area Posts: 341	My ryhmes, what you think? Alright guys, first time actually trying out a ryhme. After so many years of listening to this lovely genre, finally got me some inspiration to start writing some ryhmes. Thanks to this site too, noticed not that much people get flamed for posting there rhymes, which is why I'm posting this now. I've noticed, I'm using the same words a lot, need more vocab. My oral song like the moral khameleon when planet meets bomb the bomb meets Saddam we will all be gone, like a fking Methodist we will break your fking neck with this straight up from the death of kiss of the 36 chambers you be messing with Ghandi be gone with the old times that has gone wrong at a fucking marathon that people be sneaking and peeking, assassinating ya deepest thinkings from Allahs path to calculating Sohads math In JFK’s similar trap busting your fking mind with potent anthrax to the four fifths of love and sacrifice To flooding the building with eighths of dynamite ya niggas scared of heights, yall just cant fight the might with the heavenly armed, throwin' up seventy charms while thinking alarmed about the readings of each of the 1960 beatings with your bloodshed heeding of the help of Armageddon you be needing hypodermic seedlings at the fking garden of eden

03-03-2009, 03:39 PM	#2
Urban Eskimo formerly known as DA BIGGEST Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Igloo Projects Posts: 9,490	This wasn't bad at all for a first time rhymer. You've got some pretty good vocab, and seem like a fairly smart cat judgin from the content...but you're needin to work on structuring your material into somethin fluent. Try bein less random with your rhymes, and base your verse around a topic if this is the style you're lookin to be writing. Welcome to the spot yo. KOS __________________ Real Eyes Realize Real Lies

03-04-2009, 03:49 PM	#4
Urban Eskimo formerly known as DA BIGGEST Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Igloo Projects Posts: 9,490	You'll find your style man, and from there you'll work to perfect it. If you got any other written ish you're lookin to get feedback on drop it in the Freestyle Sessions section, it'll get more looks over there. KOS __________________ Real Eyes Realize Real Lies

12-21-2010, 12:24 PM	#7
Runaway Angel Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Tennessee Posts: 51	I like it-it was hard u might be a good battler. i look forward to more drops from ya. __________________ http://angela-runawayangel.blogspot.com

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03-04-2009, 11:41 AM	#3
DoPeT r00t boss of botnetz Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Bay Area Posts: 341	Thanks bro, I get what your saying. I was writing for a bit before I went to work. Haha, I think some multis in there would make it seem a bit more 'stronger'.

03-05-2009, 12:03 PM	#5
DoPeT r00t boss of botnetz Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Bay Area Posts: 341	Aighhhht! Sick man, thanks. I'll be def postin' alot of shit I'm writing everyday. Speaking of biggie, I'm rollin' a notorious blunt now!

12-21-2010, 09:49 AM	#6
strange_danger Newb Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 12	just keep at it

01-04-2011, 12:57 AM	#8
Syks Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 80	I thought this was good especially for a first effort,good shit bro. Peace