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Sudoku · 03-20-2009, 07:07 AM

Another shitty month another shitty paycheck

i really dont know if im gonna make it, so lets face it

at least im not living in a tent

but i dont know where the moneys being spent, i cant even save one cent

im sick of having the same shoes for 3 damn years

lifes too hard but im aint sheddin no tears.

but what can i do for someone like me

when im living in this country illegally

always watching my back, everyday, all the time

cant even hang out with some friends of mine

but fuck it this is the life i have to live

married at 21 but still with no kids

working my ass off ant even afford a mr. pibb

im really that broke if yall think this is a fib.

cheap ass cell phone, with lame ass ringtones

no ice, no chains its the only thing i own.

im willing to pawn it for a fucking snow cone

living day by day, walking right in the the unknown

thats how hard this life is, would like to get into show biz

without taking some goddamn quiz, lazy ass motherfucker thats what he is.

people dont believe in me, and think im some helpless amputee

just because i dont have a college degree, fuck them, one day theyll see

that ill be the best in the league, thats my creed

spittin these wicked rhymes so that they lower your fatigue

i dont give a fuck if im good or not

the only thing that matters is this storys plot

about a man who works hard and gets squat

so gimme some feedback or tips cuz this is all i got

Urban Eskimo · 03-20-2009, 08:56 AM

This wasn't bad yo, it was actually pretty decent. I felt alot of heart in the lyrics, I'm not sure if this is true or not but it felt like the truth. The lyrics weren't anything great, pretty simple and basic but it was still a pretty good verse...especially from a first timer, props.

KOS

Sudoku · 03-20-2009, 09:03 AM

thanks atcually it is true every word

Urban Eskimo · 03-20-2009, 09:04 AM

Word, but yo...only post your verses in one forum from now on aight?

KOS

Sudoku · 03-20-2009, 09:06 AM

ok ill do that

Sudoku · 03-20-2009, 09:06 AM

teach me to rhyme

Sudoku · 03-20-2009, 09:10 AM

---

Sudoku · 03-20-2009, 10:36 AM

What do we got if what we want we cant have
is life empty like a black garbage bag?/
jealousy of the rich runs in me like large pack of wolves
biting my bones, god damn it feels so cold/
Fucking bastards have it so easy
having wifes so sleezy,and can afford grills like yung jeezy/
with whips so fly,they can cruise to the sky
not american airlines but the jets that they buy/
they put their kids in colleges
and spending with no fear
but for us wit little knowledge
to do the same we sweat and tear/
we also want a career
we too got dreams that are clear
like crystal glass, these faggots keep kickin our ass
so we might as well sit back and crack open a beer/

Urban Eskimo · 03-20-2009, 07:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by c1h2r3i4s5

teach me to rhyme

Haha, I can't really teach you how to rhyme...that's for you to figure out yourself man. I can give you tips and shit, drop feedback on your verses...but it's you who needs to discover your own style and swagger. My best advice is to read other peoples rhymes and get familiar with the format of things, and most importantly just keep droppin your rhymes and be open minded to the criticism.

KOS

Sudoku · 03-23-2009, 08:27 AM

then lets battle and you can tell me how bad i am haha

Urban Eskimo · 03-23-2009, 09:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by c1h2r3i4s5

then lets battle and you can tell me how bad i am haha

Go to the Battle Callouts section, there's cats over in there that'll battle ya.

Or even better, sign up for this lightweight tournament I'm gonna be hostin.

http://www.b-boys.com/forums/showthread.php?t=13573

KOS

03-20-2009, 07:07 AM	#1
Sudoku Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 254	first timer Another shitty month another shitty paycheck i really dont know if im gonna make it, so lets face it at least im not living in a tent but i dont know where the moneys being spent, i cant even save one cent im sick of having the same shoes for 3 damn years lifes too hard but im aint sheddin no tears. but what can i do for someone like me when im living in this country illegally always watching my back, everyday, all the time cant even hang out with some friends of mine but fuck it this is the life i have to live married at 21 but still with no kids working my ass off ant even afford a mr. pibb im really that broke if yall think this is a fib. cheap ass cell phone, with lame ass ringtones no ice, no chains its the only thing i own. im willing to pawn it for a fucking snow cone living day by day, walking right in the the unknown thats how hard this life is, would like to get into show biz without taking some goddamn quiz, lazy ass motherfucker thats what he is. people dont believe in me, and think im some helpless amputee just because i dont have a college degree, fuck them, one day theyll see that ill be the best in the league, thats my creed spittin these wicked rhymes so that they lower your fatigue i dont give a fuck if im good or not the only thing that matters is this storys plot about a man who works hard and gets squat so gimme some feedback or tips cuz this is all i got

03-20-2009, 08:56 AM	#2
Urban Eskimo formerly known as DA BIGGEST Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Igloo Projects Posts: 9,490	This wasn't bad yo, it was actually pretty decent. I felt alot of heart in the lyrics, I'm not sure if this is true or not but it felt like the truth. The lyrics weren't anything great, pretty simple and basic but it was still a pretty good verse...especially from a first timer, props. KOS __________________ Real Eyes Realize Real Lies

03-20-2009, 09:04 AM	#4
Urban Eskimo formerly known as DA BIGGEST Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Igloo Projects Posts: 9,490	Word, but yo...only post your verses in one forum from now on aight? KOS __________________ Real Eyes Realize Real Lies

03-20-2009, 09:10 AM	#7
Sudoku Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 254	--- Last edited by Sudoku; 03-20-2009 at 10:48 AM.

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03-20-2009, 09:03 AM	#3
Sudoku Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 254	thanks atcually it is true every word

03-20-2009, 09:06 AM	#5
Sudoku Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 254	ok ill do that

03-20-2009, 10:36 AM	#8
Sudoku Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 254	What do we got if what we want we cant have is life empty like a black garbage bag?/ jealousy of the rich runs in me like large pack of wolves biting my bones, god damn it feels so cold/ Fucking bastards have it so easy having wifes so sleezy,and can afford grills like yung jeezy/ with whips so fly,they can cruise to the sky not american airlines but the jets that they buy/ they put their kids in colleges and spending with no fear but for us wit little knowledge to do the same we sweat and tear/ we also want a career we too got dreams that are clear like crystal glass, these faggots keep kickin our ass so we might as well sit back and crack open a beer/

03-23-2009, 08:27 AM	#10
Sudoku Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 254	then lets battle and you can tell me how bad i am haha