Jamil Jasey

Dear GOD,

I cut down a whole city today with my words
A razor sharp tongue lashed out
Slitting the throats & wrists of those that hated me
Those close to me got the backlash
Multiple abrasions to the skin
Wish I could heal their wounds
I'm not a savior though
Etched into my very soul was disgrace
A broken outline of failure was my lineage
Tattooed on my appendages were the words

SLUT!
HO!
CUNT!
TRAMP!

I use to be a track star in high school but
Couldn't out run what I was destined to be
Open 24/7 for any man who wanted to buy into my fantasy
Allowing him to SLURP-me
A garden of eden for his convenience
He desired to taste my forbidden fruit
I became EVE to his ADAM
Always loved to teach
So I gave him knowledge
Until he caught a brain freeze
Self-worth for that fleeting moment
Felt like an eternity to him
Me on the other hand
I felt nothing
Numb to the outside world
So I try to regain some feeling
Finding myself on pins and needles
Always pricking myself

Wanting to wear a Halo
Be that darling Angel
Never being overexposed
But I'm always naked to the world
Still anorexic to it all
Here's the skinny on it
Trying to gain substance
Feeding of the attention I was getting
I only hungered for more
So I took whatever scraps were thrown at me
The next guy could be my meal ticket

Wanted to live out that fantasy life
Trading in a lifetime of sorrow
Being a living Barbie
From Model, to doctor, to school girl
Whatever my Ken wanted me to be
Always interchangeable and ready to entertain
He could play with me anyway he liked
As I toyed with his emotions

That's child's play though
Barbie and Ken eventually broke up
Right then and there I learned
Nothing last forever

Had a son once
Had to give him up at birth

I mean if his mothers' a bitch
Then he would only grow up to be a dog

So I sold my soul to the highest bidder
And in the end I paid the price
The fire that blazed inside was extinguished
A burnt out shell of the woman I once was

So today I write this
As the burdens of my sinful past
Weigh heavy on my heart
No longer can I take it

my days are drawing to an end
I'm just a black magic woman
Who made a deal with the devil
So let me sign this in my own blood

YOURS TRULY,

EMILY PINEFIELD

P.S.

Father please forgive me
For being the motherfucker I am now