Smokahontas

in close proximity, we stand in a row

being pushed from behind i hear, "nigga go!"

the CO eyeballed us with hate in his eyes

no optical contact was the thought of the wise

damn-- i despised how i was being treated

i was beyond HOT, i was fuckin' HEATED

we were put in a room with four concrete walls

were told to wait till we heard our name called

i was appalled-- the room was cold as ice

when a stranger next to me offered advice

"be easy, young nigga," he said, "don't get them upset."

"they'll give you a hard time." i said....."i bet"

and yet, i contemplated how i got myself into this shit

OH YEAH....those niggas i was fuckin' with

enjoyin' a night out--exhalin' a sigh of relief

when one of my niggas got into some beef

my belief told me to keep it movin' but i stood still

holdin' these niggas down-- kill or be killed

i saw the enemy pull a strap--finger on the trigga

my mind hit hood mode--I GOTTA DEAD THIS NIGGA

i pulled out my heat-- pointed it at his head

pulled the trigga-- a second later....he was dead

my homie grabbed me--draggin' me to the car

then the dead niggas' bitch yelled, "I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!"

long story short--the bitch turned me in

now i'm back in the PENITENTIARY again

shouldn't have pulled the trigga--should've just waited

end result....i am now INCARCERATED

doin L.I.F.E.........

Urban Eskimo

This was an ok lil story piece, the content is on some jail/street tip which is pretty generic when it comes to rap lyrics...so my advice is to brush up on them lyrics and try to be more creative with it. Aside from that I can tell you've got some good skill there, it would be nice to see you gear it in another direction.

the CO eyeballed us with hate in his eyes
no optical contact was the thought of the wise
damn-- i despised how i was being treated
i was beyond HOT, i was fuckin' HEATED

^^Those are some lines that stuck out to me, my favourites in your piece.


KOS

__________________
Real Eyes Realize Real Lies

Smokahontas

thanks KOS....ill be droppin more soon!