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Old 12-17-2011, 12:03 AM   #1
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Default Daddy's Little Girl / My introduction.

Hey BBoy nation, I'm new here and didn't see an introduce you forum so I guess I'll do it right here. I'm Convalesce and I'm an aspiring hip-hop artist. I've been writing poetry for almost a year now and started incorporating more of a hip-hop style (rhymes, multies, ect..) into it. I started listening to hip-hop about 4 years ago. My first artist was Eyedea, then it went to Atmosphere and so on and so forth. I fell in love with it and I've always wanted to be a performer, but that was the day I wanted to be a hip-hop performer. I've wrote poetry here and there for about 6 years, but never really was on a roll til this past year. Writing almost every day, if not every day. I recently got serious about hip-hop and started writing verses, and songs about.. a month or two ago. So I'm still pretty new.

I absorb every and any piece of information anyone can give me about anything, so feel free to give criticism any way you want. Obviously other than "You suck." and that's it. Say "You suck because of...blah blah blah."

Anyway, enough rambling, here is "Daddy's Little Girl" I only have 2 verses and a chorus. Let me know what you think.

First Verse

You're daddy's little girl, daddys whole entire world

Put on that dress, stand in front of him and give it a twirl

wipe them bubbles off your face and picture the undisturbed

Throw that mirror to the curb, a mixture of who you are and who you were

Daddy tells the teacher all them colors on your face

Are from the lines that you trace when you cover for grace

With your powder but you know it's from the way he escapes

When is mother gonna save? You start wonder in your brain

The angel wont come to stay, but you still get down to pray

Hoping mommy comes down from heaven and takes the suffer away

But when daddy peeks in your room, seeing you're awake

You scramble under the covers with tears rolling down your face

He climbs in bed slowly, whispers "you're going to be okay"

But you know this game, the one he knows you'll play

'Cause if you don't, you can say goodbye to your glowing faith

'Cause he knows that angel in your cross can't close the drapes


Chorus x2

You loath every day hoping the sun goes away

So you can hide in the dark hoping daddy doesn't disgrace

Corrupted embrace served with disgust and distaste

Try to erase the memories of the sick play-dates

Second Verse

The fire burns in your heart for every single fiber hurt

Your whole life withered down to survive the worst

Strive for rebirth but it's hard when he finds that pink skirt

Just try to reverse the scratches on your mind he cursed

Play that violin loud and clear, no one in the clouds can hear

The strain on them chords you've been counting on for years

To allow you to hear the crowd of the proud and the cheer

Please don't allow the tears to crown your fears

But here you are in your closet with eyes closed and doubting ears

waiting for your bottled screams to sink so no one knows how you feel

Amounting to severe clouding of all your ideas

You no longer strum your strings and keep your pounding heart concealed

'Cause no amount of vibrations can allow you to reveal

The level of pain routing to your nerves of steal

So you break your violin into pieces to ground your dreams

'Cause to you a dream is just a dream that none can achieve
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Old 01-24-2012, 08:50 AM   #2
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on your first verse i could personally relate this is deep. I love it..the 1st verse being my fave cuz it grabbed my attention wished it turned out good but real life doesnt have happily ending stories. Nice read
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