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| | #1 |
| Newb Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: BX
Posts: 18
| A Summer's Dream Had a dream I died laughing as I laid lips on Summer's sky The Sun kissed Caribbean gold all over my skin. Melted my eyes into ocean blue windows to the soul of a Pagan deity. Her gaze withered the ice in my capillaries My Puerto Rican rum flowed freely Trees whispered incense into my eardrums. Heard orchards humming Hip-Hop from the beaches within my hometown. Saw Corona bottles crying tears of joyful sand from glass cadavers My pores leaked the sweetest tasting ale I smiled as it floated in a dew Next thing I knew I awoke
__________________ "The pain is invisible, but you can't hide the scars." |
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| | #2 |
| Newb Member Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 3
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Hmm an interesting piece. I read this and I read a jam session on a lost love, or perhaps an idea of worldliness. It is interesting in vocabulary, and structure. Obviously an attempt to do a different thing than the average. The only one issue I have here is a basic-ness of topic. True nothing is really new, however the use of imagery could have been more effective. Decent use of metaphor is here. Well done.
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