DESCENDANT 1st Verse - B-Boys.com - Hip-Hop Rap Forums

AKSent · 04-09-2011, 01:04 PM

(I posted in the wrong spot before, just one verse looking for some feedback)
(Looking for some positive criticism)
(I Know my rhyme scheme is shit, I kinda like that way)

The Master Ape I'll lacerate your placid face
I masturbate with facets you couldn't grasp the weight
my .38 splatter grapes you couldn't mask/ match the taste
you fascist snakes saturate while you tax the state
the fact of faith is cash is game and no mind is safe
wheres the change he lied, it's the lies we crave
Bin Laden ain't alive you can't hide from the CIA
we bombed Uday and found Hussein in a cave
they hung that motherfucker ugly hailed a new reign
how you show a country that you love her with a bloody chain
give them democracy with an American puppet
and you wonder why there's no economy and hatred for our government
I'm half a bar over but I don't fuckin' care
I could start over my breath will fuckin' crush the air
just a verbal soldier everything I touch is theirs
you can smell the sulfur right after the gun burst flare

Syd · 04-09-2011, 11:58 PM

this was pretty good especially the second half of the verse. theres nothing wrong with your rhyme scheme bro but your word choice and intended imagery was sorta baffling in the first half of your verse. may i ask you explain what this means
'The Master Ape I'll lacerate your placid face
I masturbate with facets you couldn't grasp the weight
my .38 splatter grapes you couldn't mask/ match the taste
you fascist snakes saturate while you tax the state
the fact of faith is cash is game and no mind is safe'

i didnt get that bit the rest was cool. I liked your closer too. nice drop overall.

AKSent · 04-10-2011, 02:03 PM

Thanks man, I really appreciate it.

The Master Ape I'll lacerate your placid face
I was trying to reference our evolution and violent nature with my persona on the mic
I masturbate with facets you couldn't grasp the weight
Trying to say I study things you wouldn't understand about the world
my .38 splatter grapes you couldn't mask/ match the taste
violent nature again I guess, ha. Forgot to choose between mask or match for the rhyme hence the confusion, muh bad.
you fascist snakes saturate while you tax the state
Referring to the government here, the elites getting kickbacks while the poor are losing benefits
the fact of faith is cash is game and no mind is safe'
I think I was trying to say everything we put our faith n revolves around corporatism, I'll admit needs work.
So yeah, that's explained. Appreciate it man. Do you mind if I drop some more on here?
Get some feedback?

eRek · 04-10-2011, 02:12 PM

are u saying ur an ape??

AKSent · 04-10-2011, 02:45 PM

...if you believe in evolution vs. creationism, then yeah were apes.
Or descendants thereof. Hence master ape.

Syd · 04-10-2011, 02:56 PM

^^ lmao! ok ok past the ape thing now. Umm now i see what the problem was its the wording and word choice which fcks up your clarity even in a metaphorical sense. but yeh if u wanna drop again start another thread brahh. And make sure u check out the education forum and i be on dat.

AKSent · 04-10-2011, 03:10 PM

So! Despite the ape thing, the first half of the verse is nonsense to anybody but the author. Ouch. That's what I was looking for though so much love.

Syd · 04-10-2011, 07:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AKSent

So! Despite the ape thing, the first half of the verse is nonsense to anybody but the author. Ouch. That's what I was looking for though so much love.

HOLLA!

AKSent · 04-10-2011, 10:26 PM

JUST to clarify.

My persona on the mic is not an ape.

Ha.

That is all.

Now check out the other one

04-09-2011, 01:04 PM	#1
AKSent Newb Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 10	DESCENDANT 1st Verse (I posted in the wrong spot before, just one verse looking for some feedback) (Looking for some positive criticism) (I Know my rhyme scheme is shit, I kinda like that way) The Master Ape I'll lacerate your placid face I masturbate with facets you couldn't grasp the weight my .38 splatter grapes you couldn't mask/ match the taste you fascist snakes saturate while you tax the state the fact of faith is cash is game and no mind is safe wheres the change he lied, it's the lies we crave Bin Laden ain't alive you can't hide from the CIA we bombed Uday and found Hussein in a cave they hung that motherfucker ugly hailed a new reign how you show a country that you love her with a bloody chain give them democracy with an American puppet and you wonder why there's no economy and hatred for our government I'm half a bar over but I don't fuckin' care I could start over my breath will fuckin' crush the air just a verbal soldier everything I touch is theirs you can smell the sulfur right after the gun burst flare

04-10-2011, 02:12 PM	#4
eRek ..RHYME SCieNCE.. Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Chitown. Posts: 1,252	are u saying ur an ape?? __________________ {.MasTeR RoCK.} /Penny candy poisonous rappers, best to chill or get your head gashed Lemonhead, sour Pez kids, best to grab a Life Savor, I'll Jawbreak ya, Boston Bake ya Then plant my sunflower seed on every square acre/ RZA

04-10-2011, 03:10 PM	#7
AKSent Newb Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 10	So! Despite the ape thing, the first half of the verse is nonsense to anybody but the author. Ouch. That's what I was looking for though so much love. Last edited by AKSent; 04-10-2011 at 05:10 PM.

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04-09-2011, 11:58 PM	#2
Syd Pro Join Date: Aug 2010 Posts: 370	this was pretty good especially the second half of the verse. theres nothing wrong with your rhyme scheme bro but your word choice and intended imagery was sorta baffling in the first half of your verse. may i ask you explain what this means 'The Master Ape I'll lacerate your placid face I masturbate with facets you couldn't grasp the weight my .38 splatter grapes you couldn't mask/ match the taste you fascist snakes saturate while you tax the state the fact of faith is cash is game and no mind is safe' i didnt get that bit the rest was cool. I liked your closer too. nice drop overall.

04-10-2011, 02:03 PM	#3
AKSent Newb Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 10	Thanks man, I really appreciate it. The Master Ape I'll lacerate your placid face I was trying to reference our evolution and violent nature with my persona on the mic I masturbate with facets you couldn't grasp the weight *Trying to say I study things you wouldn't understand about the world* my .38 splatter grapes you couldn't mask/ match the taste *violent nature again I guess, ha. Forgot to choose between mask or match for the rhyme hence the confusion, muh bad.* you fascist snakes saturate while you tax the state *Referring to the government here, the elites getting kickbacks while the poor are losing benefits* the fact of faith is cash is game and no mind is safe' *I think I was trying to say everything we put our faith n revolves around corporatism, I'll admit needs work.* So yeah, that's explained. Appreciate it man. Do you mind if I drop some more on here? Get some feedback?

04-10-2011, 02:45 PM	#5
AKSent Newb Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 10	...if you believe in evolution vs. creationism, then yeah were apes. Or descendants thereof. Hence master ape.

04-10-2011, 02:56 PM	#6
Syd Pro Join Date: Aug 2010 Posts: 370	^^ lmao! ok ok past the ape thing now. Umm now i see what the problem was its the wording and word choice which fcks up your clarity even in a metaphorical sense. but yeh if u wanna drop again start another thread brahh. And make sure u check out the education forum and i be on dat.

04-10-2011, 10:26 PM	#9
AKSent Newb Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 10	JUST to clarify. My persona on the mic is not an ape. Ha. That is all. Now check out the other one